Dumb Criminals 2011

From beat-down muggers to wannabe superheroes to inept shoplifters, 2011 brought us a never-ending supply of dimwitted crooks. While we wait to see what hijinks 2012 will bring, let’s take a look back at some of the dumbest offenders of the past year.

Man arrested for shooting mistletoe, Dec. 4 The story: A 66-year-old man in Georgia told police he was partaking in an annual holiday ritual when they nabbed him for firing a shotgun near a shopping mall.

Shoplifter busted during Shop with a Cop, Dec. 2 The story: A 22-year-old man was nabbed trying to steal video games at a Wal-Mart in Maryland. Timothy Randall Clark arrested during shop with a cop, Timothy Randall Clark arrested during shop with a cop

Mugger tries to rob MMA fighter, Dec. 2 The story: A wannabe mugger ended up beaten and shot after an attempted carjacking in Chicago. Robber beat up by fighter

Burglar Trevor Jones left Facebook open, November The story: A burglary suspect in Georgia left a trail of evidence – including his car, keys and wallet – but it was another action that sealed the deal. Trevor Jones left facebook account open

Teen blames DUI crash on ‘Twilight’ Nov. 19 The story: An 18-year-old woman in Illinois told police she had a very good reason for driving drunk and crashing her car. Teen blames dui on twilight, Teen blames dui on missing twilight

Fake doctor arrested for cement injections, Nov. 18 The story: A transgendered woman in Miami was arrested after a “patient” ended up in the hospital. Fake doctor injected cement into buttocks

Jason Leon Bastrom + criminal trespass, Oct. 30 The story: A burglary suspect in Oregon told his side of the story (what did he say?) after he was caught watching TV on someone else’s couch. Jason Bastrom + the doormat said welcome, Jason Bastrom + punched out

Judy Weible called police, Oct. 18 The story: A 61-year-old woman in Mississippi was nabbed after cops say she called and texted them to set up a drug deal. Judy Weible + hydrocodone tablets

Heroin for sale sign, Oct. 18 The story: Police raided a Portland, Ore., home (what did they find?) after a lier that had been posted. portland + meth lab, 19 grams of marijuana, 10 grams of heroin, 190 pills and $4,143 in cash + shotgun,

Douglas Martin + kidnapping post leads to drug bust, Oct. 17 The story: Police showed up to a 38-year-old man’s house in Illinois after he posted a fictitious story on Facebook. Douglas Martin kidnapping post leads to drug bust, Douglas J. Martin + holding ex-girlfriend prisoner, Douglas J. Martin + marijuana, heroin and drug paraphernalia

Shoplifters leave kids in Wal-Mart, Oct. 12 The story: Police said a young couple fled a Kentucky Wal-Mart but left something very important behind. Sadly, this isn’t the first time this has happened. shoplifters leave kids in walmart, Michael S. Kaufman + Kelsey Grobmeier + shoplifting, Michael s. Kaufman Kelsey Grobmeier kids, Amy Kapetanious and Daniel shelton baby at walmart

Topless woman high speed chase, Oct. 11 The story: A 28-year-old woman is accused of leading Ohio police on a high-speed chase wearing not much more than a G-string. Get the latest news on her case. Erin Holdsworth + second hearing + criminal history

Erica Denise Phillips + cash register, Oct. 10 The story: A Florida woman is accused of stealing a cash register that turned out to be worth more than its contents. Erica Denise Phillips + cash register + quarter

Furnace filter bank robbery, Oct. 10 The story: A man – apparently forgetting about surveillance cameras – robbed a bank using a common household item to hide his face. furnace filter bank robbery, furnace filter bank robber got away

Drunk dad lets 9-year-old drive van, Oct. 8 The story: An allegedly drunk Michigan man was arrested after police found his daughter behind the wheel of his van. drunk dad lets 9-year-old drive van, Man let 9-year-old drive van,

Amy Leigh Brown texts deputy, Oct. 6 The story: A 35-year-old North Carolina woman was charged with selling drugs after police said she set up a drug deal via text with the wrong person. Amy Leigh Brown + sheriff's deputy

Brandon Ames thong church, Oct. 5 The story: A 23-year-old Louisiana man told police he paraded a skimpy piece of women’s clothing to win a bet. brandon ames + woman's thong, brandon ames + $300 bet

College Station + dollar bill + cafeteria, Oct. 3 The story: A Texas student was accused of giving a friend phony bills to use in their high school cafeteria. dustin dominique aleman + state jail felony forgery of a financial instrument, dustin dominique aleman + two $1 counterfeit bills

Woman tries to rob store with toy gun, Sept. 25 The story: A 19-year-old Florida woman who unsuccessfully held up a convenience store with a toy gun was foiled by a clerk’s quick thinking. "Palm Bay police! Get on the ground!"

Three arrested in Covina beer heist,  Sept. 21 The story: Three teens in California acted more like the Three Stooges when they tried to snatch a case of beer from a store. Fiumetto ran into the Citrus Car Wash

Man uses inhaler to steal beer, Sept. 20 The story: A trail of beer cans and a K-9 unit led South Carolina police to a blood-soaked man who said he’d been assaulted. Man used inhaler to steal beer,

Man steals empty DVD cases, Sept. 20 The story: Police say a 21-year-old Kansas man broke into a store and rode off on his bike, but didn’t quite get what he was after. head of a sledge hammer tied to a rope + empty DVD cases

Joan Zalk + Chihuahua, Sept. 16 The story: A Colorado dog sitter was charged after shocked fellow drivers said they saw her leading a small dog down the street while driving her car.joan zalk + animal cruelty, joan zalk + dog needed to walk at least three miles a day or ballistic

Burglars wash dog, September The story: A Georgia man returned from a trip to find intruders had made themselves at home while he was gone. Somebody done wash the dog in my house, burglars wash dog + left camera with pictures

Ahmed Hasnain + prostitutes, Aug. 31 The story: A Kansas man reportedly called police because he was upset about the escorts who showed up to his motel room. Ahmed Hasnain + escorts, Ahmed Hasnain just wanted a refund,

Streaker arrested with raccoon, Aug. 27 The story: Tennessee racing fans got an eyeful when a nude 27-year-old man ran through a crowded parking lot wearing nothing but a smile. streaker caught with raccoon

Christopher Parker Gangland arrest, Aug. 24 The story: A 24-year-old Wisconsin man – who has since been linked to other crimes – was arrested on several charges after police say he tried to bribe them. Christopher Parker eau claire burglaries, christopher parker arrested chicago + felony attempted bribery, christopher parker police $100,000, I watch Gangland and I came to the South Side of Chicago to act like a big baller

Clowns steal fake jewelry, Sept. 24 The story: Two men dressed as clowns who robbed a Colorado jewelry store probably weren’t laughing when they got home. Clowns steal fake jewelry

Drunk woman + bikini wax + Iowa City, Aug. 22 The story: A woman was charged with intoxication and assault after she was refused a bikini wax at an Iowa salon. Iowa city woman snapped towel at employee, Anna Katherine Bacon-Silveira running by police station

Baby stroller in back of truck, Aug. 17 The story: A 23-year-old Florida babysitter was charged  after police caught her putting an 8-month-old baby in a dangerous situation. Keyona Nicole Davis + child neglect charge, keyona nicole davis it's not like they give you a handbook on what's neglect

Snoring burglary suspect, Aug. 14 The story: Three men allegedly were burglarizing a New Jersey restaurant when police caught them in the act. Snoring suspect found on top of refrigeration unit

Vagnini beats himself to avoid drunken driving arrest, June 4 The story: A 22-year-old Connecticut man found in the woods near his abandoned car told police that he’d been assaulted. Man beats himself to avoid drunk driving arrest, Daniel Vagnini punched himself in the face

Michigan Batman arrested, May 11 The story: A wannabe Batman was arrested when Michigan police caught him trying to scale a building late at night.batman baton-like weapon, a can of chemical irritant spray and lead-lined gloves

Man steals judge’s gavel, March 30 The story: An Ohio man was caught on tape taking an item right from a judge’s bench.

Bank robber shows ID, March 20 The story: Pennsylvania police said a bank robbery suspect made it easy for them to find him after he made off with the cash. Harrisburg bank robbery suspect showed id

Alexander A. Welch arrested + phone app, March 12 The story: A 21-year-old man was charged with a felony after Idaho police said he tried to pull over another car. Alexander Welch used flashing iphone app

Man used Wal-Mart printer to make counterfeit money, March 10 The story: A Florida man accused of trying to pay with a fake $20 bill reportedly told police he created it on a printer he bought at Wal-Mart. man prints counterfeit money on walmart printer, Douglas Brian Osborne + almost $600

Self-described cookie monster arrested, March 3 The story: Police said a Florida teen shoplifted $1.19 worth of cookies and tried to eat them before they could arrest him. sebastian esteban + I'm the cookie monster,